The Daily Me

Listening: To the hum of computers and the commentary of brothers playing video games in the next room. Knights of the Old Republic, I think I'll give it a try soon.

Reading: Finishing up Little Women, by Louisa May Alcott. Not my first time reading it of course, but I'd forgotten how much I enjoyed it.!

Eating: Pb&J for lunch.


Wearing: A black maxi skirt with my nautical Old Navy sweater and tights despite the weather because I tend to be a little chilly.

Feeling: A little on the cold side, a little confused, a little tired.

Creating: Hoping to swing back into writing soon, because it has been ages since I wrote a proper anything! I'm not very creative just now, but I'm thinking maybe some video games will bring it back!

Planning: I'm working as an assistant producer in my school's Shakespeare production of King Lear, we're in pre-tech week week and the storm is about to hit! It's going to be bus-eh this next week and a half!


Striving: To be strong, and to fix this mess that I have created and immersed myself in. It's not as bleak as I tend to make it sound, I think :#). But it is frustrating, and tiring, and I don't always understand what I'm doing or why I do it. But things will be better soon.


Quote of the Day: "Courage, dear heart." -C.S. Lewis

Perfection

And I ask myself.

Is it worth it?

Is it worth obsessing over? Is it worth the time? Is it worth the energy? Is it worth the pain it is causing other people? Is it worth the emotional shutdown? Not going to college in the fall?

If the answer to any of these is “No., then it’s not worth it. It’s not worth my life, it’s not worth my precious precious being just to feel small and perfect and the pride that comes with being the way that I am.

There’s no pride in that. Just hunger.

Self-Love

What do you have to lose by loving yourself anyway?

Think about that for a sec.

Looking at a photo and the first thing you notice is how you look in it rather than the memory behind it?

Time spent in front of the mirror twisting and turning and feeling completely unsatisfied with various parts of you?

A bed piled with changes of clothes because you can’t find something that you think you look attractive in?

The horror.

The modern world wants you to apologize for taking up space. Tell the modern world to stuff it, okay?  Take that second piece of cake if you want it. Your body is smart. It knows what you crave, it knows how much of it. Your body has a set point. Every body is different. It isn’t bad because it’s different from hers, because you weren’t born tall and slender, but instead with curves and hips. Because you were born petite instead of having curves that she has. Comparison is the thief of joy. The most radical thing you can do for yourself, for the bettering of your life is to love yourself, not just the way you are–but the healthiest version of yourself that you can be. If your body sets at a place you don’t like, so be it! Love it. It works hard for you. Don’t be skinny, be healthy, be strong. Go to college, study hard,  do sports,  take risks, and make friends. Live. It’s so much easier with a body that’s happy with itself and when you’re happy with your body.

What do you have to lose?

I genuinely worry about you when you say that you’re unhappy with yourself. Because I love you. I love the way you look, but not because of the way you look. You are smart, you are fun, and beautiful in every bit of you. I’d tell you you look beautiful ever  off as weird. It’s hard, I know it’s hard. Trust me on that one. But if you change yourself, what is the guarantee that you’ll be happy when you get there?  There isn’t one. Got it?

Plus, I just love you the way you are, I worry about you, and I don’t know how to say it. Read this, don’t read this, it’s out there and I said it.

Loving yourself is hard, maybe the hardest thing you’ll ever do. But worth it. So, so worth it.

The 777 Writing Challenge!

I was tagged by the lovely Lisa from Godsdaughter4ever


The rulrs are to go to your current WIP and scroll to the seventh page down to the seventh line and the seven following lines or sentences. Since more of you have theoretically read Sons of Thunder than The Reality (which is simmering) I think I'll do both and err on the side of cheating a bit ;).


Sons of Thunder:

          “I’ll do dishes for a week!”
          “Down,” Unn ordered, and the tone left no room for argument. Friske reluctantly slipped off his perch. The world was ending, there was no escape. Unn drew the spoon from her apron pocket and turned him around with a flick of her finger. Friske obeyed as slowly as he could.Then there was a sudden clatter at the door, a breathless servant weaving his way through the scurrying kitchen hands calling Unn’s name. Friske looked up, hope welling up inside him and he pulled away as Unn looked up in distraction. This was his chance!

And of course, The Reality: (This is actually a very old bit and I need to update it, so have a bit of ancient writing!)


          Rubbing his scorching sleeve against his forehead, Beast pointed the gun in the general direction of the grate. He pulled the trigger, closing his eyes and turning his face away to avoid bits of flying metal. With a jerk, and not bothering to gather his things together. Beast pocketed the few important tools for the mission and left the rest. There wasn’t a place to tie a rope, and he realized that the vent had to be a good twenty feet off the floor, entering into a large hall. Grimacing, but taking in great gulps of cool air all at once, Beast wriggled out, and dropped, twisting so that he would at least fall on his back. He slammed against the ground and the air rushed out of his lungs as he curled up, gasping at the pain.




I'm supposed to tag seven people, but outside of The Pack, I don't honestly know seven, so take this tag and run with it, m'dears!

Good but...

In which I rant below the line.

The Daily Me

Or The Weekly Bi-weekly Me, but I digress.

The latest me: (as of yesterday)

Listening: To my baby sister singing some pop song in the other room while spinning in the office chair. I don't even know how she knows this son.

Reading: Jeeves and Wooster by P.G Wodehouse, as well as The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis. Both are extremely entertaining and TSL felt like very good reading for Holy Week, but I still haven't finished it yet due to Easter festivities.

Eating: Attempting to pace myself on the Easter leftovers. watercress and buttermilk soup, Italian Easter bread, herb and potato tart, plus coconut cream cake. It's becoming quite a problem!

Wearing: Jeans just a tad too big and a brilliant pink shirt combo with my sister's furry, hooded sweater that's too small in the shoulders. It's cute tho, so pfft.

Feeling: A little tired. The Easter season had some really miserable moments despite everything, but I feel like I learned from them and came out stronger on the other side. I'm being patient with myself and avoiding negativity as well as I can! Just trying to get plenty of sleep and eating balanced for a bit.

Creating: Still working hard on My Grateful Space. It's coming along nicely. Also hoping to draw and write some this week. My creativity is still a little dead and I feel super guilty about it... Trying to get over the feeling. Writing and drawing is not all that I am, and I'm just taking it slow.

Planning: To go graduation dress shopping today! So exciting! I'm hoping that if I do gain enough weight by graduation that we'll still be able to return it for the next size up if we need to? I'm a bit nervous about that...

Striving: To prepare for a history presentation and to study well for finals! I got this. 

Quote of the Day: "The present is the point at which time touches eternity." -C.S. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters.