Perfection

And I ask myself.

Is it worth it?

Is it worth obsessing over? Is it worth the time? Is it worth the energy? Is it worth the pain it is causing other people? Is it worth the emotional shutdown? Not going to college in the fall?

If the answer to any of these is “No., then it’s not worth it. It’s not worth my life, it’s not worth my precious precious being just to feel small and perfect and the pride that comes with being the way that I am.

There’s no pride in that. Just hunger.